Home Forums Poetry Where are you?

  • Where are you?

     Anagrammer updated 1 month, 3 weeks ago 11 Members · 14 Posts
  • HappiWriter

    Member
    July 27, 2020 at 3:04 pm

    Where are you?

    Behind a wall
    Beneath the stairs?
    Above the rooftops
    Inside my fears?

    Where are you?

    I ask the wind
    Explore the stars
    I question the galaxies
    Are you that far?

    Are you inside
    The dismal clouds?
    Or in the raindrops
    That fall around

    Are you the storms
    Or thundering skies?
    Never listening
    To my cries

    Are you a mirage
    A distant deception?
    On a remote island
    With no reception?

    Where are you?

    I can’t find you
    Wherever I seek
    Are you beyond
    The mountain’s peak?

    In a dense forest
    Not to be seen
    Uncaring, unwilling
    To hear my scream

    WHERE ARE YOU…?
    Where are you…?

    Engulfed in despair
    I close my eyes
    And listen to the voice
    Whispering inside

    Stop looking, it says
    Let go, my dear
    No need to search
    I am here…

  • HappiWriter

    Member
    July 27, 2020 at 3:09 pm

    Hey everyone! So I caught the poetry bug from y’all…

    Critique welcome…

  • Mali

    Member
    July 27, 2020 at 5:35 pm

    You are so creative, incorporating all these metaphors. Expressive!

    Critique: Just my personal taste- if you are searching and hoping and in desperation for most of the poem, it may be powerful to end it that way. That last paragraph feels like you moved on and noticed the light at the end of the tunnel so fast. But again, just a taste.

  • Fiction Fangirl

    Member
    July 27, 2020 at 5:42 pm

    Welcome to the poetry bug club!  That’s a fine selection you have there, HappiWriter.  I see you used artistic license for the phrase of in the raindrops that fall around.

    ‘Fall around’ seemed to ring wrong when read aloud.  But as I said, you’re titled to the use of artistic license.

    The imagery is fantastic and sweeping.  Sets a great mood.

  • HappiWriter

    Member
    July 27, 2020 at 6:41 pm

    Thanks for the feedback everyone!!

  • Esther

    Member
    July 28, 2020 at 9:39 am

    Like!

  • Bookworm

    Member
    July 28, 2020 at 12:43 pm

    Nice poem! I especially enjoy the rhythm!

  • Sury

    Member
    July 29, 2020 at 4:10 pm

    I really like your poem, Happiwriter! I love the rhythm and your wonderfully imaginative metaphors!

  • Elisheva Halle

    Member
    July 30, 2020 at 6:13 pm

    Wow! Beautiful…keep it coming

  • Meira

    Member
    July 31, 2020 at 8:55 pm

    Wow, happiwriter! Love it!

  • riva pomerantz

    Administrator
    August 2, 2020 at 12:41 am

    Happi, I love this poem!! I feel the urgency, the existential quest, the passion and fervor, and I loved the way it ended with insight and reassurance. This is beautiful! I’m so glad poetry is contagious! 🙂

  • Brocha

    Member
    August 2, 2020 at 5:44 am

    <3

  • Anagrammer

    Member
    October 8, 2020 at 1:04 am

    <p>I love this HappiWriter! Such a great rhythm, pulsing with energy and feeling… And I have to respectfully disagree with Mali and say that I think the ending is perfect as is. It feels like a sudden hug from Him amidst all the confusion.</p>

  • Anagrammer

    Member
    October 8, 2020 at 1:07 am

    <p>I love this HappiWriter! Such great rhythm, pulsing with energy and feeling… And I have to respectfully disagree with Mali and say that I think the ending is perfect as is. It feels like a sudden hug from Him amidst all the confusion.</p>

Log in to reply.

Original Post
0 of 0 posts June 2018
Now

RELAX. ENJOY.

Send me the
event info

Skip to content