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  • missnistar

    Member
    October 14, 2020 at 5:40 pm

    <p>****First of all, I really appreciate everyone’s feedback on the things I’ve posted previously. I know I haven’t been ultra-communicative and responsive, but I guess that because I’m still gaining my confidence and growing comfortable on this forum. I pledge to be more friendly soon, iyH!!! 🙂 Can I ask for feedback on this, please? It’s very raw – not polished at all. It was written in a moment of reflective frustration… Does it even make sense to someone not living between my ears?!? Thanks!</p><p><br></p><p>When I think ahead</p><p>to the years in the future</p><p>I know in my head</p><p>who I’d like to become.</p><p>My dreams soar so high</p><p>beyond anything down here</p><p>unlimited strength</p><p>greatness yet unknown.</p><p>In my mind’s eye</p><p>it’s not a theory, a plan;</p><p>it’s realer than real</p><p>already there to be seen.</p><p>It’s like the work</p><p>I need to make it come true</p><p>is disturbing, jarring</p><p>brings me back down here.</p><p>And with a thump, a bump</p><p>reminds me I’m not there.</p>

  • Bookworm

    Member
    October 14, 2020 at 7:10 pm

    Nice poem! I like the rhythm and message a lot!I feel like dreams and reality are somehow two opposites. But we actually shouldn’t stop dreaming. Also, when reality hits us again, we should believe that these dreams are able to come true if we would only try hard enough.Sorry if I am going off-topic here but I like to comment on the content of a poem as well! Apologies for unasked advice!Best,Bookworm

    • missnistar

      Member
      October 14, 2020 at 11:59 pm

      <p>Thanks! I actually was asking for feedback on content more than technique… I wasn’t sure I liked it altogether, so I wasn’t so much looking to polish it or enhance it. I’m a major dreamer, and I’ve been struggling with feeling bogged down by practical technicalities needed to facilitate those dreams. </p><p>Thanks again!</p>

  • HappiWriter

    Member
    October 14, 2020 at 7:32 pm

    <p>Totally relate. I’m a dreamer. It takes grit and tough work to make your dreams come true.</p><p>Never forget to daven…</p>

    • PassionforWriting

      Member
      October 14, 2020 at 9:39 pm

      Yup, 100%, HappiWriter!! Beautiful poem, Missnistar! I also have many dreams and I want them to all happen – at once! Lol! Wink

    • missnistar

      Member
      October 15, 2020 at 12:01 am

      <p>Thanks! Davening is actually a sore point… It’s really hard for me… Maybe one day I’ll write about it…</p>

  • Anagrammer

    Member
    October 15, 2020 at 3:00 am

    <p>Missnistar, that’s me! I dream, and I think it’s as good as done! 😉</p><p>Can you add in 2 lines at the end to make it end on a more positive note, conveying something like: But one day I’ll be there… I still dream, so that one day it can actually become realer than real. If I don’t dream it, it will never happen…. ?</p>

    • missnistar

      Member
      October 15, 2020 at 5:29 pm

      <p>Thanks!</p><p>Thing is, I don’t really feel like “kashering” it with that positive spin… After all, this was my expression of angst and frustration. I actually feel like it was an important piece to write for myself – as part of my quest to understand myself and appreciate what it is that makes me tick. I’m not quite in the mood of “wrapping it up with a bow” – that, to me, would feel artificial. Put it this way: it’s not meant for publication or dissemination. It’s just me expressing myself for me. :)</p>

    • Sherry

      Member
      October 15, 2020 at 5:38 pm

      <p>I like it this way too, missnistar. Your perspective is thought-provoking and is not something that can be wrapped up in a sentence or two – it’s a life-long struggle, actually. Our dreams keep getting bigger, don’t they?</p>

    • missnistar

      Member
      October 15, 2020 at 5:46 pm

      <p>Yeah… And I feel like sometimes people take issue with dreamers. Like dreamers get judged for being who they are – dreamers! But I stubbornly insist on remaining a dreamer… Though L-rd knows I’ve gotta figure out a way to be a functional human alongside that identity! 😉 Thankfully I generally manage my dreamerhood (should totally be a thing, this word), but it remains a struggle. As Abie Rotenberg says, “I’m a dreamer who believes/that dreams come true…”</p>

    • Anagrammer

      Member
      October 15, 2020 at 10:37 pm

      <p>You’re entitled 🙂 </p><p>I definitely relate to your sentiments.</p>

  • Mali

    Member
    October 15, 2020 at 2:43 pm

    I like it, missnistar! It’s very relatable and reads very smoothly. The work is party spoiler, I know:(

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