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  • Esti G

    Member
    May 26, 2020 at 11:15 pm

    Here are my raw thoughts on going back from my virtual office at home, right near a window with blossoming foliage and a scene below to entertain my writer mind and also just steps away from the kitchen to entertain my taste buds :), and returning to what’s broadly known as “work”! (Unedited, and not very glazed over for now. Reality for some, without the glamour)

    It’s back to work
    And I’m back home, already back from back to work
    there was nothing to dread
    but nothing to be excited about eitha
    rather slipping back into a drab mold
    in the form of my red and white swivel chair awaiting me all these months of quarantine
    me resuming to wear stuff like a watch necklace and earrings
    back is the feeling of I’m too squirmy to be doing this
    as I felt in my first days at the job.
    The ladies around me shmooze
    from their desks
    and I can barely concentrate
    on the slightly too lively music someone has upped, the chatter, what to add, and on the task I need to complete now
    because I’m just back
    and need some time squeezing into
    the office/work/secretary mold
    and it’s stuffy in the room and also so nice outside
    itchy in my outfit
    and so claustrophobic
    making me feel like a school girl again…
    The worst: all thoughts
    feeling of: connection, introspection, communicating to Hashem,
    shavous is coming , beautiful,
    all slips under the radar
    under the desk
    mushed between the
    bland yogurt
    for every workday
    until 5:00
    and then it takes work
    dragging it back out:
    it wants to stay where it is
    whatever it is, that light feeling of trust, the going about my business with my Creator
    hidden
    forgotten
    trampled on

  • Anagrammer

    Member
    May 27, 2020 at 12:40 am

    Esti, this kind of raw writing really talks to me. It’s just straight from the heart, and so real. Love “It’s back to work/And I’m back home, already back from back to work”…

  • Esti G

    Member
    May 27, 2020 at 2:15 am

    Thank you!!, Annagrammer. I wanted to experiment sending something unfiltered off into our little nation here:-). Not to depress, but to talk about the forces that surround me (and maybe other workers too) in a mundane business day; not to fall asleep over the endless tasks, Just. Do. It., virtually tying our feet to the chair and eyes to the company’s software, suppressing any artist that might be itching to rise within. (Or when I’d much rather ride a horse. Or lay on the grass stroking a chipmunk resting on my neck.)

  • Anagrammer

    Member
    May 27, 2020 at 3:51 am

    Yes! I so, so relate. And how the window is calling, and oh, the inspiration out there! And my creative self is screaming that there are way, way more beautiful, essential (in a sense) things I should be doing now! I love the unfiltered rawness of it. Keep them coming…

  • Esti G

    Member
    May 27, 2020 at 4:14 am

    See I spelled your name incorrectly. Sorry–Anagrammer

  • Esti G

    Member
    May 27, 2020 at 4:24 am

    Yes yes yes! And by the time we are done fighting our creative spirit to do things we are not passionate about (think the opposite of a writing career), it’s the end of the day, and the fun and creative blood is drowned out by some other substance. Exhaustion?

  • Brocha

    Member
    May 27, 2020 at 4:29 am

    Well put

  • riva pomerantz

    Administrator
    May 27, 2020 at 4:38 pm

    I not only echo the other posters’ love for the unfiltered, unfettered stream-of-consciousness tone, but I have to point out the absolutely AMAZING title which I feel really makes the piece. Esty G., this was delicious to read!!

  • Fiction Fangirl

    Member
    May 27, 2020 at 6:05 pm

    Esti, I feel like this should be framed in every office because your unfiltered thoughts are just so perfect and scream what many of us wish to be screaming but fail to express as eloquently as you…

    I didn’t know there was a secret animal lover here.  Riding horses?  Stroking chipmunks?  Can we be friends?????

    And here I thought I outgrew my love for animals.

    *Pets imaginary bunny*

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