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sit still and behave for $
updated 7 months, 3 weeks ago
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Here are my raw thoughts on going back from my virtual office at home, right near a window with blossoming foliage and a scene below to entertain my writer mind and also just steps away from the kitchen to entertain my taste buds :), and returning to what’s broadly known as “work”! (Unedited, and not very glazed over for now. Reality for some, without the glamour)
It’s back to work
And I’m back home, already back from back to work
there was nothing to dread
but nothing to be excited about eitha
rather slipping back into a drab mold
in the form of my red and white swivel chair awaiting me all these months of quarantine
me resuming to wear stuff like a watch necklace and earrings
back is the feeling of I’m too squirmy to be doing this
as I felt in my first days at the job.
The ladies around me shmooze
from their desks
and I can barely concentrate
on the slightly too lively music someone has upped, the chatter, what to add, and on the task I need to complete now
because I’m just back
and need some time squeezing into
the office/work/secretary mold
and it’s stuffy in the room and also so nice outside
itchy in my outfit
and so claustrophobic
making me feel like a school girl again…
The worst: all thoughts
feeling of: connection, introspection, communicating to Hashem,
shavous is coming , beautiful,
all slips under the radar
under the desk
mushed between the
bland yogurt
for every workday
until 5:00
and then it takes work
dragging it back out:
it wants to stay where it is
whatever it is, that light feeling of trust, the going about my business with my Creator
hidden
forgotten
trampled on -
Esti, this kind of raw writing really talks to me. It’s just straight from the heart, and so real. Love “It’s back to work/And I’m back home, already back from back to work”…
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Thank you!!, Annagrammer. I wanted to experiment sending something unfiltered off into our little nation here:-). Not to depress, but to talk about the forces that surround me (and maybe other workers too) in a mundane business day; not to fall asleep over the endless tasks, Just. Do. It., virtually tying our feet to the chair and eyes to the company’s software, suppressing any artist that might be itching to rise within. (Or when I’d much rather ride a horse. Or lay on the grass stroking a chipmunk resting on my neck.)
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Yes! I so, so relate. And how the window is calling, and oh, the inspiration out there! And my creative self is screaming that there are way, way more beautiful, essential (in a sense) things I should be doing now! I love the unfiltered rawness of it. Keep them coming…
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See I spelled your name incorrectly. Sorry–Anagrammer
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Yes yes yes! And by the time we are done fighting our creative spirit to do things we are not passionate about (think the opposite of a writing career), it’s the end of the day, and the fun and creative blood is drowned out by some other substance. Exhaustion?
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Well put
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I not only echo the other posters’ love for the unfiltered, unfettered stream-of-consciousness tone, but I have to point out the absolutely AMAZING title which I feel really makes the piece. Esty G., this was delicious to read!!
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Esti, I feel like this should be framed in every office because your unfiltered thoughts are just so perfect and scream what many of us wish to be screaming but fail to express as eloquently as you…
I didn’t know there was a secret animal lover here. Riding horses? Stroking chipmunks? Can we be friends?????
And here I thought I outgrew my love for animals.
*Pets imaginary bunny*
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