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  • Redesign the Mind-set Poem

     Esther updated 5 months ago 9 Members · 29 Posts
  • Sury

    Member
    May 28, 2020 at 5:49 pm

    Bewitching the mind
    Fiddling emotions
    Explosions
    Designed
    By the force
    Of my instincts
    Reactions
    To calamity
    Spitting anger
    Firing harsh words
    Sinking into chasms
    Of doubt
    Defeat
    Despair
    The mind ensnared
    In a lure of negativity
    A captivity
    Will I ever be free?
    Untangle my true inclinations
    From this web
    In my head
    To switch
    Flick on the light bulb
    Redesign
    The frame of mind
    Don the rose coloured lens
    Keep my chin up
    Half-full is the cup
    Be sanguine
    See the cloud’s silver lining
    Light at the tunnel’s end
    Squeeze life’s lemons
    Make a lemonade trend
    When one door closes
    One door opens
    Plenty fish out in the sea
    And each rosy idiom
    Designed for me
    To switch
    Flip
    Metamorphose
    My mind-set
    Power up the optimism
    Redesign
    Perspective
    Of life
    Whether elated
    Or frustrated
    Fuel my energy
    Into אמונה, בטחון
    Belief, trust
    That it is directed
    From a place of love
    The One Above
    The Designer
    Of you and me
    Happiness and grief
    Hashem, we plead
    ושוב שנית לקדשה
    A second chance
    We can’t do this alone
    Father in Heaven
    Help us from Your High Throne
    To Redesign
    Our minds
    In brilliant, glowing colour
    In purity,
    Clarity
    With radiance
    Illuminate our hearts
    With strength, passion
    Compassion
    Love and warmth.
    And standing strong
    As a part of Your nation
    With a positive mind
    רבונו של עולם
    I believe
    You are Redesigning
    The world to
    Redeem us
    Reclaim us
    With משיח
    במהרה בימינו אמן

  • Brocha

    Member
    May 28, 2020 at 8:09 pm

    I love your poem, Sury! I love the combination of different metaphors.

  • riva pomerantz

    Administrator
    May 30, 2020 at 10:22 pm

    What a resplendent, evocative, TOTALLY GORGEOUS poem, Sury! Wow! Just amazing!!

  • Sury

    Member
    May 31, 2020 at 6:35 pm

    Thank you Brocha! And thanks Riva – I feel chuffed 🙂

  • HappiWriter

    Member
    May 31, 2020 at 9:37 pm

    Beautiful! I love how it begins with one emotion then ends on an entirely different note.

  • Chaya F.

    Member
    May 31, 2020 at 9:41 pm

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>This is a beautiful poem, Sury! Wow! I lv your descriptive language.</p>

  • Sury

    Member
    June 1, 2020 at 12:35 pm

    Thank you HappiWriter and Chaya for your kind words.

  • Sury

    Member
    June 22, 2020 at 6:49 pm

    Hey, just want to notify all of you that my poem is being published in the Hamodia in the Locked Down, Lifted Up page in the Community.  A page specifically designed for readers to submit their feelings and writings about the lockdown and covid.

  • Anagrammer

    Member
    June 22, 2020 at 7:06 pm

    What!? I can’t believe I missed this one! It’s absolutely stunning. We are redesigning our minds, and Hashem is redesigning our world… It ends off on such a beautiful, hopeful note!

    (I had to pronounce “frustrated” like you to make the syllables work ;))

    Mazel tov on being published!

  • Sury

    Member
    June 22, 2020 at 7:21 pm

    Yay, thanks, Anagrammer for reading yet another of my poems! Chuffed is an understatement.

    Haa, I guess cos you’re American (?) and stress on the ‘frust’ while I, as a brit, put an emphasis on the ‘strated’ of the word ‘frustrated.’

    And, yep, thanks 🙂

  • Anagrammer

    Member
    June 25, 2020 at 4:04 pm

    I’m waiting for more of them! And yes, American I am. But I am enchanted by Brits 🙂

  • Esther

    Member
    June 25, 2020 at 4:29 pm

    This poem feels like word art…I have no other way of describing it.

    So excited!  Which magazine is it in – Hamodia, Inyan or Prime?  I’m bli neder going to go straight to it Friday night…

    And what is chuffed?

  • Sury

    Member
    June 25, 2020 at 5:59 pm

    Thank you, Esther!

    I think in the Hamodia…not sure. Also not sure if it’s in this week’s issue…They didn’t give me too many details. Will find out, I guess!

    Chuffed is a British word for glad/delighted/grateful.

  • Esther

    Member
    June 25, 2020 at 7:48 pm

    Oh, so I’m not expected to know that; I’m Canadian.

    Thanks.

  • Sury

    Member
    June 25, 2020 at 8:08 pm

    Cool! I love the Canadian accent!

    Do you speak French too?

  • Esther

    Member
    June 25, 2020 at 8:10 pm

    Comme ci comme ca;)

  • Sury

    Member
    June 25, 2020 at 8:20 pm

    Great, lol, I had to google it.

  • Esther

    Member
    June 25, 2020 at 8:24 pm

    So did I, for the spelling!!!

  • Sherry

    Member
    June 25, 2020 at 8:38 pm

    Sury, you didn’t learn French at school? Are you a fellow Londoner or further North?

  • Sherry

    Member
    June 25, 2020 at 9:05 pm

    Wow, this poem is glorious! You’re a master of words. I love it. And I’m chuffed 🙂 to be a fellow Brit, though I’m not as great a poet.

  • Leahle

    Member
    June 25, 2020 at 10:36 pm

    Beautiful Poem Sury! Love it!

    Could someone just explain me how These non.rhyming Poems work – I think I started liking them…

     

  • Sury

    Member
    June 26, 2020 at 4:09 pm

    I’m a fellow Londoner! However, French wasn’t a part of the curriculum in my school.

    Thanks, Sherry! Nice to make your British acquaintance 🙂

    Thanks, Leahle! Free verse poems do not follow the rules, and have no rhyme or rhythm; but they are an artistic expression. You kind of have to just let the words flow from your heart without worrying about having to match words together, yet it shouldn’t sound awkward or clumsy when you read it.

  • Esther

    Member
    June 27, 2020 at 8:10 pm

    Even with non rhyming poems, personally I do like to have some structure.  Say, 2 or more paragraphs mirroring each other, or some sort of pattern with syllables or adjectives or ideas.  It’s fun, like word design…play with it!

    These are some of mine –

    All That Glitters

     

    You see my life as

    Glittering and

    Glistening and

    Glowing and

    Glimmering and

    Gleaming and

    Glinting

    A million prisms

    Reflecting off

    Crystal and

    Sliver and

    Diamond and

    Gold.

     

    But know that sometimes

    All that glitters

    And glistens

    And glows

    And glimmers

    And gleams

    And glints

    Can reflect back

    A million prisms off

    Ice chips and

    Sparking coals and

    Glass shards and

    Also tears.

     

    To Be A Child Forever

     

    I want to be young again

    I’ll feel my Mommy’s loving hug and kiss

    My Daddy’s strong arms lifting me high

    My Morah helping me wash my hands

    My warm home sheltering me from fears

     

    I want to be carefree again

    To run down grassy hills and make mud-pies

    To sing silly songs at the top of my lungs

    To build a tent in the living room

    To sleep without worry of tomorrow

     

    I want to be happy for no reason

    Eat birthday cake with lots of whipped cream

    Ride my pink bike with a horn and shiny handlebars

    Curl up in Mommy’s big bed

    Drink in the wide wondrous world

     

    I want to know someone’s there for me

    Comforting me when I have a bad dream

    Wiping my forehead when I’m sick and feverish

    Holding my hand, drying my tears, taking away my pain

    I want to be a child forever

     

    But I know Someone’s there for me

    Loving more than I’ll ever understand

    His Strong Arms holding me tight

    Sheltering me from all Evil

    Taking the best care of me

     

    I know that I can trust in him

    He’s always by my side

    Guiding my hand, collecting my tears, sharing my pain

    So I have nothing to fear 

    Because I’m His child forever.

     

    And these 2 were in Twirl –

     

    Back Home

     

    I’ve traversed the land of another people

    Walked their streets

    So strange

    Seen their sights

    So impure

    Felt their culture

    So foreign

    Tasted their lives

    So misguided.

     

    Though part of me misses

    Relives once again

    The good times had

    In a place not my own.

     

    Now I traverse the land of my people

    Walk my streets

    So familiar

    See my sights

    So holy

    Feel my heritage

    So rich

    Live my life

    So true.

     

    That part of me missing

    It’s whole once again

    It’s good to be back

    In the place I call home.

     

    Audience With The King

     

    These days, regretfully

    It’s a chore I dread

    That I wish to get over with

    So I can start my day

    I speed through the words

    Some garbled or skipped

    Eyes roaming the room

    Mind on breakfast choices

    A hastily closed siddur

    As I sign in relief

    One down, another two to go.

     

    One day, I hope

    It will be a privilege I cherish

    That I can’t get enough of

    The perfect start to my day

    I’ll savor the words

    In awe and delighting

    Eyes covered, tearing up

    Mind subordinating

    A reluctantly closed siddur

    As I sigh, looking forward

    To my next audience with Him.

  • Leahle

    Member
    June 27, 2020 at 9:51 pm

    Esther I love your Poems!

    “All that Glitters” is so true – many People think they know what goes on by others but really they don’t…

    About “To be a Child Forever” – I think we all feel that way…

    and the rest is just as Beautiful!!!

    Thanks for sharing,

    and thanks Sury for explaining…

    Maybe I’ll write one like that in the near future…

     

  • Esther

    Member
    June 28, 2020 at 4:07 pm

    Thanks, Leah.

    And for sure, go for it!  Can’t wait to read…

  • Sury

    Member
    June 28, 2020 at 4:11 pm

    Your poems are…just wow, Esther!

    I love ‘all that glitters’ – its pattern is really pleasant, and the alliteration is fab!

    ‘To be a child forever” – I echo Leahle. I feel as though I can touch all that you described…brilliant.

    ‘Audience with the King’ – it’s so beautifully expressed.

    You’re a master poet! And by the way, Esther, seeing your submission in the Family First this week, was super! It felt really good that I had read it before it was published 😉

  • Esther

    Member
    June 28, 2020 at 5:24 pm

    Thanks.  It was fun, right Leiba/Esther?  They butchered mine pretty heavily, but I didn’t really mind after I got over the surprise.

    Sorry we hijacked your thread Sury…but thanks to you Leah opened this great topic.  In fact, if anyone has more poem styles to share, I love learning new techniques.

    In 5th grade, we learned a basic one, and I wrote tons in that style.  If anyone hasn’t done it, they totally should.  It’s light & easy writing, but can be a great release.  Here’s the format:

    (Emotion/concept) is _____.

    It looks like _____________________.

    It smells like _____________________.

    It tastes like _____________________.

    It feels like ______________________.

    It sounds like ____________________.

    To me, (emotion/concept) is __________________.

    For Example:

    Fear

    Fear is paralyzingly cold.

    It looks like the unrelenting darkness of the forest at night.

    It smells like fire. 

    It tastes like blood.

    It feels like I’m teetering at the edge of a cliff.

    It sounds like the door handle turning at 3 AM.

    To me, Fear is all of my ghosts of deep down.

     

    Hope

    Hope is the revival of life.

    It looks like the first bud poking through the snow.

    It smells like freshly cut grass.

    It tastes like hot coffee early in the morning.

    It feels like the soft skin of a newborn baby.

    It sounds like the opening notes to a song.

    To me, Hope is sunshine peeking from behind rain clouds.

     

    And a few years ago, my therapist taught me to write Haikus.  That was fun too.

    It’s ironic, but for most of my teenage years I actually hated poetry…!

  • Sury

    Member
    June 28, 2020 at 7:55 pm

    No worries 🙂 We’re here to augment our writing skills, aren’t we?

    Hey, I like this kind of style poetry – it makes whatever you’re writing almost 3D.

    Thanks for sharing. I think Haikus are eccentric and bizarre, personally…

    I learnt acrostics in school which was fun and super easy to write. Whenever I was out of ideas, I used to resort to that. More as a young kid, though.

  • Esther

    Member
    June 28, 2020 at 8:07 pm

    [quote quote=19531]I think Haikus are eccentric and bizarre, personally…[/quote]  You make me laugh!

    And acrostics!!!  Nostalgia!!!  3rd grade computer class…

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