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Poem-What we thought this time a year ago
updated 2 months, 3 weeks ago
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Feedback me please on my poem!Thank you!
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Bookworm, I love it!! Very profound and oh, so true!! I absolutely love the ideas in these sentences, but some words may sound extra to me. Like “we thought we had it all put together” can be changed to: “we thought we had it altogether.” This time a year ago, we thought we had it all put together. This time a year ago, we thought we will be safe forever. Maybe change this to: “we thought we would be safe forever”This time a year ago, we thought that nothing could overtake our advanced technology. Over here, I’m thinking that maybe you could take out the “that”?
This time a year ago, we thought medicine could always make us back healthy. And replace “would” with could and add in “keep us healthy”? What do you think?
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Thank you so much Passion for the feedback!Yup, good points you brought up! I think I will change it.
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<p>Beautiful, Bookworm! </p><p>I do think – as Passionforwriting brought up – that it would be clearer if all the ‘last year’s were in past tense. Like ‘can’ should be ‘could’, ‘will’ should be ‘would’, etc.</p><p>This poem has such an important message… And I love the format!</p>
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Thank you so much Anagrammer! If two opinions say the same thing, then it’s often right!😀
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