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  • Poem-What we thought this time a year ago

     Bookworm updated 1 month ago 3 Members · 5 Posts
  • Bookworm

    Member
    October 21, 2020 at 10:08 pm
  • PassionforWriting

    Member
    October 21, 2020 at 10:22 pm

    Bookworm, I love it!! Very profound and oh, so true!! I absolutely love the ideas in these sentences, but some words may sound extra to me. Like “we thought we had it all put together” can be changed to: “we thought we had it altogether.” This time a year ago, we thought we had it all put together. This time a year ago, we thought we will be safe forever. Maybe change this to: “we thought we would be safe forever”This time a year ago, we thought that nothing could overtake our advanced technology. Over here, I’m thinking that maybe you could take out the “that”?

    This time a year ago, we thought medicine could always make us back healthy. And replace “would” with could and add in “keep us healthy”? What do you think?

    • Bookworm

      Member
      October 22, 2020 at 6:07 pm

      Thank you so much Passion for the feedback!Yup, good points you brought up! I think I will change it.

  • Anagrammer

    Member
    October 22, 2020 at 2:12 am

    <p>Beautiful, Bookworm! </p><p>I do think – as Passionforwriting brought up – that it would be clearer if all the ‘last year’s were in past tense. Like ‘can’ should be ‘could’, ‘will’ should be ‘would’, etc.</p><p>This poem has such an important message… And I love the format!</p>

    • Bookworm

      Member
      October 22, 2020 at 6:09 pm

      Thank you so much Anagrammer! If two opinions say the same thing, then it’s often right!😀

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