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  • Poem – The Power of a Hug

  • PassionforWriting

    Member
    July 22, 2020 at 9:12 pm

    I submitted this to the Binah, but didn’t get a response yet. I would love both critique and compliments (of course ;)!!

    The Power of a Hug

    A tight warm hug,

    Holds me and my fragile pieces together.

    Glues them back,

    Holds me in that tender moment,

    The warmth of your hug melts away my emotional pain.

    Holds us together for a brief moment,

    It shows me that I’ll be okay,

    Showing me in that sacred space that I can and will be okay,

    Together – you and me – are sewing the pieces back together.

    The power of a hug.

  • HappiWriter

    Member
    July 22, 2020 at 11:51 pm

    This is such an interesting way of looking at this emotional experience – like freezing a moment of time and analyzing it…

    Since you asked for critique, I’m just wondering if the repetition is on purpose:

    It shows me that I’ll be okay,

    Showing me in that sacred space that I can and will be okay,

     

  • Elisheva Halle

    Member
    July 23, 2020 at 12:10 am

    you captured the moment beatifully!

  • Meira

    Member
    July 23, 2020 at 12:14 am

    I agree with Elisheva – it really captures the moment!

  • PassionforWriting

    Member
    July 23, 2020 at 12:46 am

    Thank you all!!

    HappiWriter, yes, the repetition is on purpose. It’s for the reader to get a solid and tangible feel of the poem.

    Thank you Elisheva and Meira!

  • Fiction Fangirl

    Member
    July 26, 2020 at 8:15 pm

    PassionforWriting, thank you for sharing a beautiful poem that highlights the nuances we don’t tend to notice in the heartbeat of an embrace.  Am I the only one who was able to ‘feel the squeeze’ of the hug?  That’s powerful.

    My only critique is as follows:

    1. Your use of the word ’emotional’ when describing pain.  I would think it’s self-explanatory when looking at the context of the poem but maybe I’m wrong.
    2. The last line of the poem ‘The Power of a Hug’.  Again, I think the poem speaks for itself and the title provides enough explanation about the meaning of the hug.  I would think you can end the poem off with ‘Together – you and me – are sewing the pieces back together’.  Restating ‘The Power of a Hug’ feels a bit excess and repetitive.

     

  • PassionforWriting

    Member
    July 26, 2020 at 10:03 pm

    Thank you so much, Fiction Fangirl. I hear you. I guess I was restating it for emphasis and to stress how I was feeling, but it could be that it could do without.

    Awww!! I’m glad you were able to feel the hug!!! :))

  • Fiction Fangirl

    Member
    July 26, 2020 at 11:27 pm

    Not a problem, girl!  Do whatever you’d like.  It’s your poem after all.

    Yeppie, I sure was able to feel the hug!  Kinda nifty I can tell you that.  I find description being essential when writing, especially when crafting poems.

  • riva pomerantz

    Administrator
    August 2, 2020 at 12:36 am

    Beautiful, Passion! I, too, love the way you are freezing this experience with your evocative words, arranging them in a way that we truly feel that hug.

    I wonder if the poem might be tighter and even more striking if you ended it at the word “okay”. The first seven, spectacular lines really encapsulate the hug so well; the last three seem to repeat what has already been shared. If you wanted to add length, you might consider bringing out a new dimension to complete it.

  • PassionforWriting

    Member
    August 2, 2020 at 4:41 pm

    Thank you, Riva! I’m just not sure what you mean by adding a new dimension?

    And when you say ending with “okay,” you mean ‘okay’ as in a hug makes me feel okay?

  • PassionforWriting

    Member
    August 17, 2020 at 10:27 pm

    Hi all,

    Unfortunately, my poem, The Power of a Hug, got rejected… 🙁

  • Sury

    Member
    August 18, 2020 at 6:27 pm

    Hi, PassionforWriting. I think your poem is beautiful. My favourite line: The warmth of your hug melts away my emotional pain. I really felt the hug too.

    I’m sorry about the rejection. They say rejected pieces aren’t failures; unwritten pieces are. Best of luck 🙂

    Love Sury

  • Bookworm

    Member
    August 18, 2020 at 8:43 pm

    They say rejected pieces aren’t failures; unwritten pieces are.

    I love that line, Sury!

    PassionforWriting, rejections are painful (I recently got one as well for a poem of mine) but don’t give up! Pick yourself up and submit to another place. And if it’s not gonna be this poem, it’s gonna be a different one. Just keep going!

    Best,
    Bookworm

  • PassionforWriting

    Member
    August 18, 2020 at 8:52 pm

    Thank you so much, Suri and Bookworm!

    Yes, it’s very painful, but by now I send it in expecting it to be rejected… I know…

    Sury,  I love that line as well and glad you felt the hug!!! 🙂

    Bookworm, you’re right about that line, but for me, it’s almost like why would I try again after getting rejected too many times to count? 

    But I’ll keeping sending things in (with in mind that it will also be rejected).

    However, with all that said, I am very lucky to have you amazing ladies who relate to the poems I post and give me the feedback I’m looking for!! So thank you!

  • Fayge Y.

    Member
    August 18, 2020 at 11:47 pm

    Rework it. And resubmit it, or maybe submit it elsewhere.

    About that line, “Together – you and me – are…” What about, “Together – you and I”?

  • PassionforWriting

    Member
    August 19, 2020 at 12:08 am

    That actually sounds better, but I think I may leave it. It came from my heart, and so, I don’t know if I want to edit it. I want it to sound authentic… Hopefully, one day, my submissions will be received better.

  • Chaya’la

    Member
    September 21, 2020 at 8:22 pm

    Passion, I sure felt your passion in this one! Sorry to hear that the publishers didn’t feel it. I especially like the line ” Holds me and my fragile pieces together”. I can almost envision it…. A real poetic piece.

  • PassionforWriting

    Member
    September 21, 2020 at 11:06 pm

    Awww, thank you, Chayala! I know, I also love that line. It’s so tender, delicate and powerful.

  • MH

    Member
    October 13, 2020 at 5:18 pm

    Passion I love this poem! Gosh what the other wrote is so true, it feels like I’m sinking into an embrace. I think my eyes got a little teary by the “Hold me” parts…

    • PassionforWriting

      Member
      October 13, 2020 at 7:18 pm

      Thank you, MH! I wrote it as I was texting a friend and feeling very low.. and then I decided to turn it into a poem 🙂

    • MH

      Member
      October 14, 2020 at 10:46 pm

      That’s beautiful! Your friend must have appreciated that a lot😍

    • PassionforWriting

      Member
      October 14, 2020 at 11:21 pm

      Yes, thank you. She enjoyed the poem 🙂

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