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  • My First Date

     Meira updated 2 months, 3 weeks ago 9 Members · 11 Posts
  • Writer123

    Member
    October 19, 2021 at 11:46 pm

    I was absolutely, positively freaking out. I mean, I don’t know how to hang out with a boy! Well, I talked to boys before, you know cuz I have cousins and a young uncle, but I’m not allowed to like them. Now I’m gonna hang out with some boy I never met and I’m supposed to like him?! Ok that’s weird, just plain weird. No other word for it.

    The morning of the date, I was in the airport talking to Mommy and boy was I a wreck! I was rambling and babbling and walking around in circles. She thought it was cute that I was rambling.

    “But like seriously”, I said to her. “When I’m nervous I ramble and then he’s gonna think I talk too much so then I’m just gonna be quiet but then he’s gonna think I’m too quiet and then I’m gonna be even more nervous and then I’ll just be a blob of nervousness!”

    Mommy laughed.

    She thinks I’m funny and cute.

    “The worst that’ll happen,” she started, “ is that you’ll make a fool out of yourself and then he won’t wanna go out with you again and then you won’t have to get married.”

    “Oh that’s a good idea. I like that plan.” She’s a smart one, no wonder I like her.

    Cuz let’s face it, I wasn’t really in shidduchim. I mean I had a resume, I knew what I was looking for in a husband, but I didn’t actually want to get married! Like come on, marriage only happens to other people – like real adults who know how to do life. Not to me!

    But anyway, somehow I am an adult (I think) because I actually went on the date. And I didn’t faint, throw up, burst into tears or make a complete fool out of myself.

    I was running a little late when I was getting ready. I finally made my way upstairs at 6:27. Three minutes to breathe. I looked in the mirror and fixed a curl.

    Devora saw me standing there. “How are you doing?”

    “I’m freaking out.”

    “Do you need a hug?” You know those moments when you want to say yes, but feel it might be awkward? Yeah.

    “Uhhhh…”, was all I managed to get out of my tied up, butterflied body.

    She gave me a hug. She’s good at reading people. Social workers usually are.

    “Is this your first date?”, she asked.

    “Yeah.” I responded as I looked back at the mirror and noticed my terrified eyes. Was I actually about to go on a date??!! Ok, that’s weird.

    I spaced back in as Devora finished her sentence.

    “… the good news is you’ll never have another first date.”

    I sensed a black suit by the front door.

    “Uh, he’s here!”, I squeaked as I retreated to the kitchen.

    The door opened and there he stood. HIM?? You must be kidding me. He is so yeshivish! His hat is probably the one he got for his bar mitzvah and his suit is probably a hand-me-down from his father.

    Well, I followed him out to the car and he opened the door for me. A strange feeling, but a rule we must follow. I suddenly panicked. I hope my phone is on silent.

    We made our way to the Rosh Yeshiva’s backyard – we definitely did not want to wear masks in a hotel. The table was set with two water bottles and cups with a plate of cookies in the middle. He bought the $4.99 cookies instead of the stale $7.99 ones.

    The conversation started as we went through his well thought-out list. I know it was well thought-out because it took him an hour and half to make the list. He told me so. We also had to stick to the list. No getting sidetracked, that would be a big no-no.

    Somehow we got to talking about the wonders of the world. Like trees.

    “If I had 20 minutes to myself, I would just look around here. I mean look at all the trees!” Pause. “Sorry, I’m getting a little emotional.”

    His eyes turned red and I tried not to laugh. Crying about trees?? Who was this guy?

    He also told me his menahel slapped him when he was in third grade. It was very traumatic and he was left with no self esteem, but he’s been working through it for years.

    Thanks for being so open and honest. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big believer in therapy – but please, not on the first date.

    He doesn’t look at smartphones or walk into the computer room in yeshiva.

    I own a laptop with internet. Obviously filtered, but it still has internet. I knew he was too yeshivish for me.

    He’s a rule follower and one rule is no hashkafa on first dates. But try as he might, he could not follow that one. He really wanted to discuss technology. I held my tongue for that topic. At least I follow the rules.

    Whenever there was a lull in conversation, he would blurt out “It’s not awkward, I’m just thinking. It’s not awkward.”

    I certainly didn’t feel awkward. Just weird that I was sitting here with a boy. On a date. For the purpose of marriage. I could definitely not marry this boy.

    Then he remembered Eretz Yisroel was on his list. We tried to talk about our experiences. Like seven times. But as conversation flowed, we got sidetracked.

    I decided to volunteer my opinion. “We don’t have to go backwards, we could just go forwards.” He didn’t seem to agree.

    “Remind me before we go back to the car that we need to talk about Eretz Yisroel.” Okaaaaaay. Maybe a little OCD?

    At some point we got to the end of his list.

    “Ok, let’s both think of something to talk about.” This boy is definitely a strange bird.

    “Maybe the Rosh Yeshiva has a game we could play?”, I suggested.

    But apparently roshei yeshiva don’t have games. At least not for people on dates in their backyard.

    Somehow I made it back in one piece. After the longest three and a half hours of my life.

    The shadchan called me 10 minutes after I walked in the door.

    “Sooooooo, did you have as much of a nice time as he did?”

    “Yeah, it was very nice”, I eked out.

    Gosh, that was a set up. He clearly thinks I’m the one. I hope he doesn’t bring a ring with him on Sunday. To the zoo. For five and half hours.

    Post script: He was much more normal on the second date, but we are not going out again.

  • Chaya S

    Member
    October 20, 2021 at 1:14 am

    OMG! I am cracking up right now😂

  • Writer at Heart

    Member
    October 20, 2021 at 2:29 am

    This was utterly hilarious!

  • Elisheva

    Member
    October 20, 2021 at 3:49 pm

    This was so entertaining–keep in coming, I want to know what happens next!

  • Writer123

    Member
    October 24, 2021 at 12:56 am

    The craziest part is that all of it is true! I didn’t make any of it up!

    @elisheva92 the second date was more normal, but are not continuing.

  • PassionforWriting

    Member
    October 24, 2021 at 2:51 am

    Wow!!! That was quite a funny read, @writer123 !!

    I would also be freaking out because I had never gone on a date either, and you’re not supposed to talk to men, so I’m downright petrified! But I’ll work through my fear. Need not worry 😉

  • riva pomerantz

    Administrator
    October 24, 2021 at 10:05 am

    @writer123 , LOVE THIS!!! So refreshingly real and wry, a great combination! And it’s wonderful how you found and latched onto the humor in this, when it could have been framed in a completely different light. Thank you for sharing this!! Has me thinking back to my first (disastrous!!!) date! 🙄

  • HappiWriter

    Member
    October 25, 2021 at 3:43 pm

    Lol @writer123! I can’t believe this is true! You did a great job writing about the experience!!

  • Writer123

    Member
    October 25, 2021 at 9:34 pm

    Thank you!

  • sweetheart

    Member
    October 25, 2021 at 10:02 pm

    This was a fun read! I think you did a great job, and I enjoyed the dialogue!

  • Meira

    Member
    October 26, 2021 at 1:41 pm

    Wow! Thank you for the laugh!

Viewing 1 - 11 of 11 replies

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