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  • Here’s something fun…

     Kayla-Oppenheimer updated 6 months ago 4Members · 6 Posts
  • riva pomerantz

    Administrator
    July 9, 2020 at 10:43 pm

    Thought I’d share with you ladies a self-editing progression. See what I’ve done–I won’t explain my process, but I thought maybe it would interest you.. The hard part was making sure to save my work to a separate document to show you later, before making my edits! 🙂

    **

    STARTING POINT:
    We have a refreshing treat for you today, dear reader. Surprise! While traditionally, we look to rabbonim, educators, and mental health professionals to answer questions raised in this column, today we have brought you the eminent wisdom and advice from a different source:  Seichel’dik, experienced down-to-earth women from around the globe! In this mix of backgrounds, cultures, and personalities,

    TO HERE:
    While traditionally, we look to rabbonim, educators, and mental health professionals to answer questions raised in this column, today we’ve decided to bring you the eminent wisdom and advice from a different source:  Seichel’dik, experienced down-to-earth women from around the globe! In this mix of backgrounds, cultures, and personalities, our tormented letter-writer from last week bemoaned the stormy relationship with her daughter and wanted to know if she should rectify the past or just move forward in building a closer future. [whoops–goin’ nowhere with this sentence!]

    TO…HERE! (FINAL):

    The tormented mother who wrote in last week bemoaned the stormy relationship with her newly-married daughter and wanted to know if she should rectify the past or just move forward in building a closer future.

    Well, guess what? Today we have a refreshing treat for you, dear reader. Surprise!

    While traditionally, we look to rabbonim, educators, and mental health professionals to answer questions raised in this column, today we’ve decided to bring you eminent wisdom and advice from a different source:  seichel’dik, experienced, down-to-earth women from around the globe! There is so much truth and passion that shines through in this mix of backgrounds, cultures, and personalities. I know I came away inspired; let me know how you enjoyed it!

  • Esther

    Member
    July 11, 2020 at 7:59 pm

    Cool you showed that to us.

    Personally, I’m always a bit embarrassed of my rough drafts, that they’re not perfect.  You made me think that I shouldn’t be, that it’s all part of the process.

    So thanks.

    • riva pomerantz

      Administrator
      July 11, 2020 at 10:59 pm

      Yup, that’s exactly the point, my dear! 🙂

  • HappiWriter

    Member
    July 12, 2020 at 7:31 pm

    Great seeing that even accomplished authors don’t get it perfect on the first try…

  • riva pomerantz

    Administrator
    July 13, 2020 at 11:49 am

    [quote quote=20054]Great seeing that even accomplished authors don’t get it perfect on the first try…[/quote]

    Oish, Happi, this comment took me by great surprise. How many of you think that self-editing is something negative? I cannot even imagine shooting something off the top of my head without making alterations as I go along! “Perfect” is a process.

  • Kayla-Oppenheimer

    Member
    July 19, 2020 at 10:39 am

    That was eye opening and interesting,  Riva. You showed me, us , how structure doesn’t  happen by itself. It’s through the first unedited draft, that one can begin to figure out what and how you want too convey your message. How you convey the message is what you want to emphasize the most, What will make the biggest impact and of course the first sentence in your third draft totally hooked me,  the reader.

    And interestingly, the mother with the stormy relationship with her married daughter example, ,you inserted into your second draft  wasn’t introduced in your first draft.

    . I’m not a novi here but this could have been your thought process after writing the first draft:

    how can I make this real and tangible so that the reader can understand and relate to what I wish to convey in a personal tachis way and the best way to do that is through a real life example” 

    Them in the third draft you totally hook the reader by bringing the example to the torefront of the reader’s mind and from there the reader  can then get to the nuts and bolts and “theory’ of the change of perspective in the column’s format.

    For me you’ve shown also the importance how the order  in which the three sentences are placed,  create the most impact and tightens up the whole piece even though essentially the sentences didn’t change, just the sequencing in a logical way.
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>And one more thing, in the first draft the first sentence conveys a chatty tone which you nixed in the second  draft because you might have thought about how the chatty tone of</p>
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>”We have a refreshing treat for you today, dear reader. Surprise! </p>
    dumbs down the seriousness of the column. And does this sentence add or detract from what you want to convey here.

    Thanks for showing us the process of editing, self editing, Riva. It was most helpful.

     

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