Home Forums Humor A tale of two sandwiches

  • A tale of two sandwiches

     Shev updated 3 days, 20 hours ago 6 Members · 14 Posts
  • YoungMom

    Member
    August 9, 2021 at 1:45 am

    The kids are hungry, I can tell. Symptoms include but are not limited to, rolling on the ground singing “mommy wana jelly!”, wailing and kvetching for no legitimate reason, and pulling the tablecloth off the table. So I swiftly pull the bag of bread out of the freezer, placing 2 slices on a plastic plate in the microwave. I have the 30 seconds it takes for the bread to thaw, to plop kids in the highchairs, and tie a bib around their necks. They watch quietly how I smear the peanut butter. Raizy decides she’s rather in the mood of jam. She lets me know the fact like a healthy toddler does, yelling rather loudly. I look her in the eye and say “ok”, while grabbing the glass jar to her delight. I give Etty the vetod one with the peanut butter, and Raizy gets the custom ordered jam sandwich. Now, that she gets what had asked for, she happily consumes the whole thing before I can blink. Just joking. She takes one little piece in her her mouth, and says “ugh. Want cheese bread” just like that. Without a hint of appreciation. Not that I expect a warm thank you from a 2 yr old, but at least eat what you asked for. You get me, don’t you? Anyway, after little eating-jam-bread-coching, and Sticky faces later, I find myself wiping them clean and sending them off to play.

    Mother hens gotta eat too, I tell myself. Off I go to prepare myself breakfast. A peanut butter and jam sandwich, that is. No sooner than I take my first bite, I hear little feet running towards the kitchen. Here come my girls, Like hungry kittens smelling faraway food with their heightened sense of smell. I continue chewing at my meager meal smiling gently at the 2 pairs of jealous eyes. “awso want”, they sing eagerly. I debate with myself and I, wether the right thing to do is say, “you had your share, now mommy is eating.” or to ignore them. Not ‘them’ as in my kids, but ‘them’ as in their pleas for more food. The tugging at my skirt, and pulling at my feet, let me know neither of the 2 options will take place. I put in a piece in each of the oh so wide open mouths, and I watch how the faces light up. I wonder if this phenomenon is scientifically proven. It’s the same sandwich I had to force 10 minutes ago! What is it that occurred right now, at this precise moment, that made this sandwich more worthy for consumption? Did it suddenly become more tastey? Perhaps when it comes to their mother, giving away of her own piece of bread to her kids, is what makes all the food in the world worthless in comparison. It’s not the bread they are eating. It’s the fact that it’s their mother giving away of her own, to them. I’m amused by this insight. Surely an interesting thought. Perhaps I can save this natural reaction for future use to my advantage. Raizy and Etty are full now, when there are no leftovers in sight. Next time I’ll try this in the first place. For now I’ll eat when they nap.

    End of story.

  • PassionforWriting

    Member
    August 11, 2021 at 12:34 am

    Lol, lol, lol, @youngmom !!

    This is definitely a typical-mother piece, with some traditional humor mixed in! Oh, and I think that when mothers eat, the food somehow, looks so much fun and more interesting! 😅

    • YoungMom

      Member
      August 11, 2021 at 1:34 pm

      @passionforwriting just curious what you call traditional humor?

      Masterpiecers, I’d love to hear more about writing humor… I know it’s a delicate field. What I think is funny, others may see as corny 🙃

      I find Dina Nueman’s ‘Back Page’ in Ami Living extremely fun and hilarious, I took the inspiration for my above tale from her, yet it’s nowhere near her spunky unpredicted style. (seriously, am i comparing myself to her?)

    • PassionforWriting

      Member
      August 12, 2021 at 1:26 am

      Lol! No problem. I meant to say that it’s the typical (good!) humor I come across, similar to and like Dina Nueman’s Back Page. 🙂

    • YoungMom

      Member
      August 12, 2021 at 3:37 pm

      Got you! thanks!

  • YoungMom

    Member
    August 11, 2021 at 3:06 am

    Thanks @passionforwriting For reading, I appreciate your feedback! Had fun writing this one

  • Sury

    Member
    August 11, 2021 at 5:49 am

    You cracked me up, @youngmom ! So realistic and well described! Thanks for sharing!

    • YoungMom

      Member
      August 11, 2021 at 1:25 pm

      Glad you liked it @sury and thanks for the compliment! 😍

  • Fayge Y.

    Member
    August 11, 2021 at 9:43 pm

    I just read a book called Humor Seriously. (Note: mild language, ymmv.) It had a great chapter on how to generate humor, particularly geared to humor writing and comedy. Sorry I can’t distill it.

  • Elisheva

    Member
    August 13, 2021 at 2:18 pm

    This is great, young mom–and totally relate! I clearly remember that stage (although I’m basically still in it but I guess I’ve become very adamant that the kids are not allowed to eat off my plate!!!)

    • YoungMom

      Member
      August 13, 2021 at 3:22 pm

      😍

  • YoungMom

    Member
    August 30, 2021 at 5:43 pm

    My two girls definitely give me stuff to write about! 😍 so here goes another one:

    A Tale of a Blanket

    As soon I shut the shower flow, I heard Etty’s cries. Getting dressed rather swiftly, I rushed to the rescue. My footsteps echoed high-pitched knuckle cracks as if to testify my intense speed. With my hands gripping the doorknob I peeked into the room, halting. Sometimes it’s better if I stay outside, the mid-dream cries tend to quiet down after a short while. A few minutes later with the wailing still going on full force, I tip-toed my way into the room, my surroundings a blur in the darkness.

    I stared into the crib. The only thing I saw was the mattress. And Etty curled up like a travel pillow in the corner. The first thing that came to my ever so practical mind: “She’s too small to have swallowed her blanket”. Second thought: “Poor child sleeping like a homeless without her cozy”. I soothed her back lovingly and felt the rapid heartbeat. She’s been crying for a while now. Shefela! I whirled away from the crib and looked around the room. Wonderful. “Let’s play detective”. Windows are locked, so the long hairy arm in my imagination reaching in from the window was out ruled. Did she throw it out? My eyes scanned the floor. Besides some loose socks and Legos, it was clear. I cautiously walked over to Raizy who was peacefully sleeping on the toddler bed, sweet dreams kissing her eyelids. With her chubby arms hugging tightly, below her tiny little self, was her sister’s blanket. I stared in disbelief. I wondered if when they said “Sharing is Caring” they had this particular act of kindness in mind. Etty was still unhappy, so I pulled the blanket out of Raizy’s grip trying to be as discreet as possible. Etty took it back with the love of a mother greeting her children after a lengthy vacation. I kissed her good night, and went right over to Raizy, wrapping her with her own covers. She seemed to be smirking in her sleep.

  • Shev

    Member
    September 24, 2021 at 5:08 am

    Loved reading your pieces! They’re both humorous and totally relatable! :)I really enjoyed reading them!

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